CTFD Video Library

At the center of the CTFD office is its resource library, a well-organized collection of career guidebooks, informational career pamphlets, college brochures, training program booklets, an impressive number of subscription papers and magazines, and, maybe most often overlooked, a fairly extensive collection of VHS tapes.

Nevermind that almost no one owns a VCR anymore.  Alongside the orderly collection of tapes is a tiny black Sony TV/VCR combo, its bubble screen a neat 10″ x 10″.  

The TV/VCR is there so that visitors to the library can watch the archived workshops, seminars and lectures that CTFD faithfully continues to videorecord.  The tapes are neatly stacked (and evidently rarely touched); they are labeled with titles and dates.  The earliest tape-date I came across was June, 1998.  Titles included: “Embracing the Fear;” “Juggling Your Life and Your Career Part II” (I couldn’t find Part I);  ”Take Charge of Money;” and, “Help! I Need a Non-Performance Resume.”  In all my visits to CTFD, I’ve never seen anyone seated at the VHS counter.

Today, connected to the mini entertainment center by a clicking headset, I watched ”Embracing the Fear,” and another video called “Transition Tales.”  I understand why the VHS library is so poorly attended– I had, for instance, entirely forgotten about the VHS crisis which is Tracking– but these videos are nonetheless surprisingly moving, relatable even though they are dated.  The internal, emotional process of transition is, I guess, sort of timeless.  Participants in the seminars and workshops captured really do forget that the camera is there; the viewer, then, feels like a bit of a voyeur.  Watching “Embracing the Fear” is rather like eavesdropping on a good therapy session. 

At the same time, the tapes are revealing.  People say things in safe group settings that they are less likely to say to an interviewer who they expect is just salivating over their impending emotional outburst.  Spying on sessions-past feels somehow less manipulative.  Not to mention terribly retro.